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Alan
Is it water? (Pointing to
glass used by last guest, a pissed Tara Palmer-Tompkinson)
Frank
It certainly works whatever it is…. So
reincarnation, what do you think?
Alan
Not many thoughts on reincarnation
Frank
No, didn't think you would! They were a bit
hard on Glenn Hoddle though don't you think
Alan
I thought you were going to give me an easy
time.
Frank
You're allowed to have an opinion aren't you?
Alan
What on Glenn Hoddle? I think he was silly for
saying it.
Frank
I think he couldn't have been anti disabled otherwise he wouldn't have
picked Darren Anderton every game. For the younger people in the audience,
you used to be a very good footballer
Alan
It was a while ago, but a lot of people said I
was a good footballer.
Frank
But you were though, you were really good. You
were cool.
Alan
All right, I was brilliant!
Frank
Yeah ok, lets get to the bottom, because
people here might think you weren't that good, but he was he was brilliant.
I saw him play at West Brom many times, and we made him look great. We've
got a shot of you at Liverpool. Were you a bit drunk?
PICTURE OF A DRUNKEN
LOOKING ALAN ON A BUS HOLDING THE EUROPEAN CUP
Alan
That's what usually happens when you win a championship and you go around
the city in a bus. You tend to have a few drinks before you get on and then
even more when you get on. Just like you're first guest.
Frank
Except of course she's never been on a bus. I
read this Alan, in an interview you did in the Daily Telegraph, they ask
you about your home life and the side of Alan Hansen we never see.
Alan
Let's hear it!
Frank
This is you talking about you're home life,
you and you're wife Janet, who I've met and is very nice 'When we've had a
takeaway'
Alan
Oh no, I don't want to hear this!
Frank
No its nice…'When we've had a takeaway we
usually take a big glass of Ribena up to bed. Because more often then not,
we'll wake up at some stage gasping for a drink. If we've had one too many
glasses of wine, we always forget, and then you can be sure Janet will be
saying to me in the night 'Please get me a drink of water'
Alan
It's great to be a bore isn't it, but you're
pretty good at it yourself.
Frank
That's not boring, I think that's nice, that
you've got a nice domestic home life.
Alan
So why you going to laugh in a minute? Why are
you going to crack a funny and then laugh?
Frank
I want to know...don't get touchy, relax trust
me. Why does she ask for a glass of water when there's Ribena in the house?
If you're going to get up and get water, is it any extra bother for you to
put a little bit of Ribena in there.
Alan
Honestly, wrongly quoted. They've done it
again.
Frank
They've stitched you up with the old water
remark.
Alan
Stitched me up with the Ribena. Can you
believe that?
Frank
So you don't have the Ribena in? Oh Alan you
do.
Alan
No honestly, we've stopped it.
Frank
Ah but you used to? It's alright, It doesn't
make you a bad person. I think it's all right.
Alan
You see you're smiling. First you said it was
nice, then you're smiling, laughing and there is still a funny to come yet,
I can feel a funny coming on.
Frank
I wish you were right.
Alan
So do the audience!
Frank
Meaning?
Alan
Come on I want to hear it! I want to hear the
funny! The funny isn't going to come?
Frank
No, I just want to hear about you're home
life!
Alan
Come on, lets get on with it. I want to hear
the funny, the audience want to hear the funny! The audience are gasped in
anticipation. Not for the Ribena, but for the funny.
Frank
Who's side are you on? You've changed. I just
wanted to know about the Ribena. Because when you said you take a big glass
up, does that mean you share it? Or do you have 2 beakers. If it's 1 glass
what side of the bed does it go on? Do you have a small shelf centrally
above you?
Alan
Are we getting there?
Frank
Well, the audience are laughing!
Alan
So what do you drink during the night?
Frank
I don't, I'm asleep.
Alan
That's not what I've heard!
Frank
I haven't upset you have I?
Alan
No. I'm still here aren't I?
Frank Accept this as a token. I don't
like to think you're off the Ribena for any special reason
FRANK GIVES ALAN A
BOTTLE OF RIBENA
Frank
Take that away, and the next time Jan wakes up
in the night think of me
Alan
Not a pretty thought!
Frank
The one thing people always say about you is that you know a lot about
football. When you were a player you were a great reader of the game, and
now you're obviously a great reader of the game. But you never became a
manager, whey was that?
Alan
Well, the last season I played at Liverpool
I'd been there for 14 years and the expectations of everybody, supports,
players the media takes its toll. The last season I played we were going for
the championship with Aston Villa, and I wasn't getting to sleep at night. I
felt if I was struggling with the pressure as a player then as a manager you
can multiply that by 10, so I made the decision then not to be a manager. So
then I was struggling as I was not qualified to do anything but television
just started to take off at that time.
That was brilliant. It was a serious question and a serious answer.
Frank
For me it's not in the same division as the
Ribena conversation, but we're all different.
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